Thursday, December 9, 2010

One of those days....

It's one of those days. You know the really shitty ones, where you feel really shitty and you feel like throwing things at the world for being such a shitty inhospitable place. Yup. That's today.

I'm trying to stay positive and stick it out until I leave for America on Monday. It sucks.

Anyway, so I was watching Sex and the City (why yes I have become a cliche, deal with it) and it was the episode where Aiden moves out and she faces losing her apartment. To put it mildly, I could totally relate.

It brought me to really thinking about home, and the idea of home. I felt really at home here when Dom and I lived together, to the point that I cried when I landed in Manchester in November. But, now that he's decided to be an *insert expletive here* I'm feeling really discombobulated.

The fact of the matter is- I have to stay in the UK. At least until 2012 when I graduate and become a master. I like to consider myself to be becoming "the master," but that's another point entirely. So, essentially, this is my home now. I've lived a lot of places (at least 19 from a quick count) and I've felt at home in many of those places. Some, not so much. So, what is home then to me? I'm from the Bay Area, lived a big chunk of my 20's in Fresno and now I live in the UK. Home is home (mom's house) but it's here too. I did love it here until my world came crashing down, which leads me to believe I'll love it again. So then will I feel at home? Am I so fickle that I only feel at home when I'm happy? That's pretty damn shallow if that's the truth.

Excuse the crazy, it keeps popping up even when I try to keep it down. It'll be gone soon.

I go 'home' Monday. I'm thrilled to bits. I go back to my old job for a few weeks (oh how I miss tips) and I get to be pampered by mommy. My sister will drive me crazy and the fat dog will try and sit on my lap. I'm going to eat my weight in Mexican Food, Sushi and American food in general. Vanessa and I will drink at the Black Watch and I'll moan about not wanting to go to work. It's going to be amazing. And then I'll come back to my home here. Maybe that will be amazing too?